According to John Bowlby, a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, attachment is “based on our early relationships with our parents (or caregivers) shapes the way we perceive and act in relationships throughout our lives.”

Knowing your attachment style is important for several reasons. Once you identify your attachment style you can identify ways to support yourself and know what will help create secure relationships despite your attachment style. There are 4 different attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. In this blog post we are going to dive deeper into the secure attachment style.

What is a secure attachment?

A secure attachment is formed during infancy and continued into childhood by caregivers building trust with the child. A child is born with 100% dependence on their caregiver. A caregiver builds trust by being predictable, providing comfort, supporting to allow them to explore, and ultimately, safety. In early infancy, babies are unable to understand language, therefore they rely on actions for love and support. When a baby cries, they need to know that their needs will be met by their caregiver. Furthermore, in early childhood, predictability is equally as important. A child can become confused if a caregiver reacts differently to similar situations. Children rely on their caregivers to teach them how to react. However, this does not mean that a caregiver has to be the perfect caregiver in order for a child to develop a secure attachment. Caregivers are bound to make mistakes, what they do after a mistake can impact the relationship just as much.

Building secure relationships with caregivers gives children a better chance of forming secure friendships and romantic relationships in adulthood. Adults with secure relationships tend to have a positive view of themselves and others, thus allowing them to more easily accept love, support, and help from those around them. Adults with a secure attachment style have an easier time communicating their needs to their friends and parents without fear of rejection. Communicating needs to others can be difficult, especially when throughout childhood they felt unsafe or their needs were ignored.

Key Characteristics of Secure Attachment:

Trust and Safety: Securely attached individuals feel a sense of trust and safety in their relationships. They believe that their emotional needs will be met, fostering a stable and secure foundation for connection.
Effective Communication: Clear and open communication is a hallmark of secure attachment. Individuals who share this attachment style feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions, creating an environment of understanding and empathy.
Autonomy and Independence: Secure attachment doesn't imply dependence but encourages autonomy. Individuals with a secure attachment style can navigate their own lives while maintaining a healthy connection with their partners or friends.
Emotional Regulation: People with secure attachment are adept at regulating their emotions. They can manage stress and conflict effectively, contributing to a harmonious and stable relationship.

Though it is helpful to understand one’s attachment style, it is also important to note that these are not necessarily permanent and can be shaped or changed in the context of healthy relationships. According to Robyn Gobbel, “If insecure attachment means something was needed but not received, then healing insecure attachment means giving now what was needed then.” Identifying your insecure attachment style can help individuals determine what is needed for healing as adults once they are ready. Therapy can also be an essential tool to help individuals process their relationships with caregivers or other impactful relationships to help form healthy relationships moving forward.

Here at Atlanta Wellness Collective, we want to help. For support, contact us or request an appointment online.

This blog post was written by Amanda Shyer.

Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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